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Looking Back...


It has been some months since I left IISc for good. And, looking back, I feel that all the while that I was there I was simply stuck in a time warp. Nothing much changed all those years. I was doing the exact same things that I set my daily routine to. Of course, in the bigger picture things changed, I became a senior from being the junior most, my seniors left and fresh faces came in every year. But, when I compared one day with another I felt nothing to be changing at all. Yet, at the end of six years I was done with my PhD and wondered as to when it really happened and just like that I was snapped out of the time warp. 

Looking back on the day that I joined IISc, I remember being very happy. In a euphoric state, in fact. This was the first time in my life that I had come to a new place all alone to live independently. I remember all the emotions that I felt that day...happiness, anxiety, apprehension, confidence, doubts...all packed together. I remember worrying if I'd make friends, if I'd do well in my courses and if I'd have fun. In the end I did alright on all three counts.

But, during my time there, I realized, I am not the kind to be content with a steady stable life. I get bored easily. In fact, I often wondered how my Prof. was still living there after more than 20 years. I was the one who complained the most about being stuck there, when in fact, I had everything that I could have wanted. I was lucky to have found great friends, who almost became my family. Someone else in my place would have dreaded the day it would all be over and it would be time to leave. Not I though. I was constantly dreaming of the day I would leave, always thinking life would be better on the other side.

Now that I have left the place, I know that life is not better or worse here than it was before. I do miss my family and friends. I do sometimes get nostalgic about the campus, about the life I had there. I do miss having that comfort of being surrounded by my friends, doing everything together, going out and having fun without having to term it "socialising". But, I also know that I love the fact that I am out here in a new country experiencing new things, going to new places, challenging myself to try different things. It does not always feel comfortable, but then, that is also the beauty of it. The whole point to all this anyway was to force myself to increase my comfort zone. And, there is a different kind of appeal to it. It may not appeal to everybody, but I guess I am like one of those other people, those who like to move on every few years (well, at least that is how I feel right now). So, the next few years are going to be fun, and I intend to make the most of it.

--RS

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